It’s been some time since I said anything here. Life’s taken its course and some very welcome changes have come my way. I continue to struggle with my current situation and sometimes my own identity, because my mentality, perspective, and goals continue to change.
I’ve begun to understand the difference between mere change and evolution. I’m not talking about the scientific kind; I’m talking about how a person continues to grow, learn, and change with experience, which, as I’ve been known to say, is a brutal teacher. The past six or so months have forced me to confront aspects, elements, and influences in my life that are no longer relevant or are damaging to my progress. At the same time, I’ve begun to embrace ideas and elements that allow me to, as Dr. George Sheehan wrote, “become who you are.”
Sheehan believed in the power of what he called “your own play;” that is, a self-renewing compulsion that allows a person to become the best they can be. Without this play, we lose ourselves and allow stress and frustration to consume us. I’m guilty of this, and I suspect many of you reading this can also confess a similar fate. I forgot about my play for a long time, but my girlfriend and parents are enablers (in good ways), and so I have begun to rediscover my passion for these self-renewing compulsions that help me to remember who I am.
As my evolution continues and I look toward my future in a big city with a wonderful woman and with the world open before me, I have to remind myself that all this is only possible if I accept that while I haven’t had the life I necessarily expected, I’m being prepared for what awaits. And I can choose to live in fear of the possibilities of life, or I can choose to believe in the best version of myself.
I choose the latter.